doglets:

This shampoo was supposed to give my hair volume but I really can’t hear anything

sadboyshotta:

get rich or cry tryin

tastefullyoffensive:

Maslow’s Modern Hierarchy of Needs [x]
fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the heck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? That’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit retard, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

annieodeir:

"aren’t you afraid that you fail your exam?"

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the-sexylosers-club:

officialpigeon:

Typing an essay due tomorrow at 3 in the morning

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never seen anything more accurate

bechnokid:

cryplaystheworld:

doctor-emily-tennant:

joshpeck:

a7xnerd:

unsmokable:

actually kinda hoping hipster blogs make a comeback 

Fuck you.
They deserve to be dead.
FANDOMS RULE ALL

please go outside

NO. OUTERENET IS NOT WHERE I CAN FIND MY DEAR DAVID TENNANT.

what the fuck

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hemmosauce:

taking-the-hobbit-to-erebor:

babyferaligator:

picassojawbone:

this show is for little kids but it is the funniest shit I have ever seen

whats that mythbusters dude doin

is this attack on titan

once in art class my teacher played this on the projector for a full hour 

larabarakara:

I was studying in my room, turned around to grab something and saw this.

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So, basically, this is not my cat. 

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But she’s all like chillin’ in my bed like she pays rent or smth.

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 How the fuck did she even got into the freaking house.